Bartenders have seen and heard everything, but when confronted with some situations, like today’s appearance of a unique customer in their establishment, it takes everything they have to take that next step.
This Daily Deals Coupon walks into a bar and asks for his two-drink special. The exhausted bartender tries vainly to smile as he faces the prospect of processing yet another discount form. He leans across the bar and looks at the little ticket. Then he bends over the bar and takes an even closer look. Suddenly, he chokes back a sob and wipes his eyes with the closest napkin, while the voucher wonders what’s going on. The barkeep finally gets himself under control and says, “I don’t think you should stay and drink. Go home and be with your family…you’re about to expire.”
Hope that caught you by surprise and brought a smile to your face. Now it’s time to vote. Don’t know how? Check out our ackyourit annd deetaled instruckshuns.
If you’ve been around my funny stories for long, you’ve heard about the Five Amigos, and know that the yellow school bus, a letter opener, urinal and a credit card have already had their day in the fun. With today’s laugher, the computer mouse finally gets her time on stage.
This computer mouse walks into a bar and is immediately assaulted by the sound of a man swearing at the top of his lungs. Being used to taking control of everything in front of her, she walks over to the bartender, who is calling authorities, grabs his keys and immediately starts moving the curser toward a storage room, where she locks him up until the police arrive.
Now that you’ve had a chuckle (or two), find out how to vote! Hint, hint…glasses slapping on the bar.
I’m not just a silly ‘walks into a bar’ joke type of guy and today I’ll prove it. Words and phrases have intrigued me for years and with today’s first installment of “What Not Thoughts” you’ll be introduced to some of that intrigue, unless you run and hide now before I launch into my latest craziness.
It was reputed to be one of the most powerful states in the world during the 15th and 16th centuries but I think that must have been an overstatement. I mean, how much world domination could be expected from a bunch of foot rests?
Good thing I don’t care much for coffee, because if a drive through redwood is the experience of having a tree all around you on all sides of your car, I’m thinking a Drive Thru Espresso must be like a coffee car wash.
I read that William Sydney Porter, better known by his pen name O. Henry, began writing his witty stories while in prison for embezzlement. Guess that lends credibility to the saying that con text is everything.
Three is often considered a magic number and since that’s how many “What Not Thoughts” I’ve presented here, I’ll rest for the time being and start collecting my ideas for the next installment.
We all know how valuable the right kind of adhesive can be for a project at home but did you know that’s not the only place these tools of the trade can help out?
This Tape Dispenser Walks Into a Bar, orders her favorite beverage and an appetizer, and heads to the table she always occupies. The owner walks over carrying her order and with a grateful smile, asks if he can sit down. “Of course,” the diminutive office accessory said.
“I just want to thank you,” he began with a strained voice. “We’re having a rough time gaining new customers, so your patronage means so much to us. Please don’t misunderstand, but with all the options in town, why do you keep coming back?”
Looking up at him and smiling, she said, “Well that’s easy…when I like something, I stick to it.”
After the joke comes the vote…how many glasses are you going to slap on the bar for this one?
Today’s installment of my Spare the Air jokes needs a little explanation. When I wrote the first one, while living in Northern California, the jokes came about as a sort of push back on the repeated weather warnings we experienced. I figured, there had to be something funny about the situation and the series was born.
Well now we’ve moved to a small town in Eastern Washington and don’t hear as much about air quality as we did in the San Francisco Bay Area. But as our new state has it’s own air monitoring service and since I don’t want to stop writing the jokes, I’m going to keep shooting them into the air.
This newly wedded couple returned from their honeymoon to their small home in Spokane, prepared and enjoyed a delicious dinner, then headed straight to the bedroom and ended up delightfully asleep in each other’s arms. In what seemed like just moments, they woke to face their first work day as Mr. & Mrs. She finished her shower and was grabbing a brush and blow dryer just as he walked in with the first bad news of their marriage. “Honey, you’re going to have to let those beautiful tresses air dry today because I just heard it’s a Spare the Hair day.
Long, long ago, in a joke not too far away, Five Amigos walked into a bar and, as they say, the rest is history. Actually, only three of the five have had their stories etched in the annals of bygone times but now, that’s about to change.
This school bus walks into a bar, orders a Shirley Temple, and stands off to the side waiting for his drink. Quickly prepared, the beverage is placed on the bar and the large conveyance takes a sip but doesn’t move toward sitting down. “Want a seat?” the bartender asks. The transport looks up from his drink and says, “No thanks, I’ve got plenty.”
How many Glasses on the Bar do you give this joke? Need help…check out how to vote.
Five Amigos were introduced to this blog in February of this year, and already, the letter opener and the credit card have walked into a bar hopefully to the chuckles of many readers. With today’s joke, that leaves just the computer mouse and yellow school bus to make their way to a local tavern.
This Urinal Walks Into a Bar and orders his favorite drink. The owner of the bar, a good friend, walks up to say hi and immediately notices a difference in her pal. “Heat getting to you today my friend,” the concerned lady says. “No”, the urinal replies quizzically, “why do you ask?” “Well just noticed you looked a little more flushed than usual.”
Get some Glass on the Bar…check out how to vote for this joke!
In the world I live in, there doesn’t seem to be any reason why eye charts wouldn’t want a drink now and then, especially with people staring at them all day. So it doesn’t come as a surprise to me that…
This Eye Chart Walks into a Bar. Almost immediately, the bartender walks over and sets down a glass of dark beer and some chicken wings, which just happens to be exactly what the vision checking tool was going to order. “How did you know what I wanted?” the optometrist’s aide asked. “Simple”, said the bartender, “you’re really easy to read.”
Vote the ‘Glasses on the Bar’ method – Find out how!
Earlier this year, in another joke, I referenced a yellow school bus, a computer mouse, a credit card, a urinal, and a letter opener as upcoming subjects of a joke. The letter opener had his moment of fame and now it’s time for one of the other Five Amigos.
This credit card walks into a bar and orders a Mojito. After taking the first sip, he slams the glass onto the bar and grumbles loudly to the bartender, “Hey, the soda water in this drink is flat.” The bartender looks over at him and retorts sharply, “So are you and I don’t see anyone complaining.”
Laugh or no laugh? Check out how to vote and then cast your glasses.
Here comes the second entry into the W.I.A.B Challenge.
This Good Day walks into a bar that he’s never been to before and steps up to order a drink. Sam, the barkeep walks over and says, “Good day, what’ll you have?” Stunned, Mr. Dawn-to-dark replies, “How did you know who I am?” Sam grins and says, “Hey, we just try and be a cheery sort of place because we know that sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name.”
Check out the voting scale and then place some glasses on the bar for this joke.