This Credit Card Walks into a Bar

Earlier this year, in another joke, I referenced a yellow school bus, a computer mouse, a credit card, a urinal, and a letter opener as upcoming subjects of a joke.  The letter opener had his moment of fame and now it’s time for one of the other Five Amigos.

This credit card walks into a bar and orders a Mojito.  After taking the first sip, he slams the glass onto the bar and grumbles loudly to the bartender, “Hey, the soda water in this drink is flat.”  The bartender looks over at him and retorts sharply, “So are you and I don’t see anyone complaining.”

Glasses on the bar - F

 

 

 

Laugh or no laugh?  Check out how to vote and then cast your glasses.

This Good Day Walks into a Bar

Here comes the second entry into the W.I.A.B Challenge.

This Good Day walks into a bar that he’s never been to before and steps up to order a drink.  Sam, the barkeep walks over and says, “Good day, what’ll you have?”  Stunned, Mr. Dawn-to-dark replies, “How did you know who I am?”  Sam grins and says, “Hey, we just try and be a cheery sort of place because we know that sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name.”

Glasses on the bar - E

 

 

 

 

Check out the voting scale and then place some glasses on the bar for this joke.

 

This April Fools’ Day Joke Walks into a Bar

Donald Trump just received President Obama’s endorsement…

You’ve just won $5 million dollars…

Don’t move there’s a giant bear standing right behind you…

We all know how each of those statements would end, if we heard them on April 1st, but did you know April Fools’ Day Jokes have a life of their own?

This April Fools’ Day Joke Walks into a Bar and joins a queue at the non-alcoholic mixed-drink center.  He smilies at the lady in front of him, who suddenly looks a little apprehensive.  She finally relaxes when they move forward and she gets her drink without any prank from the little guy behind her.  Thankful that he’s next, the mischief maker steps up to receive his libation, and the bartender apolgizes for the delay.  The little shenanigan just flashes him a big grin and says, “No problem, a good punch line is always worth the wait.”

Glasses on the bar - D

 

 

Learn How to Vote for this Joke

Five Amigos

This yellow school bus, a computer mouse, credit card, a urinal, and a letter opener all walk into a bar to celebrate five years of friendship.  Ok, not really.  That would be silly plus I haven’t the faintest idea how to come up with one punch line for five inanimate objects.  However, I do have individual jokes for each of these five amigos, so which should I write about today.  Let’s see…

Urinal, credit card, school bus, letter opener, computer mouse.

This letter opener walks into the bar, orders a drink and an appetizer and looks for a place to get a little work done while he’s enjoying his break. An off-duty postman sees the paper knife scanning the room, gets his attention and calls out, “Want to slit over here?”

 

Voting Time: How many glasses on the bar do you give this Joke?  Read more about how we vote around here.

Playon Words

In a slight departure from my normal walks into a bar genre of humor, I present the latest cultural issue facing America, and really the world, today.

ProTeen DeficiencyIf you’re wondering where I got this idea from, and I’m not sure why you would, it just sort of  happened after seeing a Facebook post from a friend about ways to identify dietary problems.

Court of Retirement

I’m attending a retirement party later today and my gift to the guest of honor is a joke in the Walks Into a Bar genre.  While not a fancy watch, I hope this token of my friendship is well received.

This retired attorney walks into a wine bar and sits on her favorite stool. She orders a drink and some appetizers and the regular bartender, without any provocation, angrily starts asking one question after another about her order. Finally, confused and hurt, she says, “Why are you treating me like this?” He leans across the bar, the smile she’s used to suddenly breaking out across his face, and says, “Now that you’ve been retired for a while Leslie, just thought you might enjoy a little cross examination.”

Glasses on the bar 6a

 

 

 

 

So now that you have the joke, how many glasses on the bar will you give it?  That’s the way we vote around here.

Foo Foo on You Too

Today we add another genre of humor to our site; punny looks at spare the air warnings.  Pollution in the atmosphere is common throughout the world and in Northern California we even have a website dedicated to the condition.  With today’s joke, we take the greenhouse effect to a whole new level.

Little Bunny Foo Foo

While vacationing in San Francisco with family, this couple from Germany decides to pick up some wild game for a special meal of Hasenpfeffer.  They head to the Ferry Building but when they arrive at the Golden Gate Meat Company, disappointment fills their hearts as they read the chalk board notice: Sorry, we don’t have any fresh rabbit, it’s a Spare the Hare day.

 

This Acronym walks into a bar

Way back near the beginning of this blog I wrote about a joke featuring acronyms and today, that joke has come to fruition.  In the event you’re not comfortably conversant with chat talk, follow the links in the story below as you read the tale of how…

This Acronym walks into a bar and hops up on a stool. The bartender strolls over, all smiles, and says, “How you doin’ tonight my friend?” “GR8,” the little abbreviation replies. “Can I get you a beer?” says the barkeep. “PLZ, Y2K.” The barkeeper fills up a glass, delivers the cold beverage to his friend, and gets a hearty “TYVM!”

After a few minutes, the mixologist returns and asks, “Is there anything else I can get for you tonight?” “NO,” replies the acronym with a smile. The bartender, clearly puzzled, says to himself, “I wonder what he meant by that.”

Time to Vote

Time to Vote

 

 

 

 

How many glasses on the bar do you vote for this one?  Read how to vote!

This Fork walks into a bar

When most people say something they regret, there are several next steps.  Mine, after such a situation occurred the other day with my wife, included identifying a new ‘walks into a bar’ joke…

This Fork walks into a bar and asks for a drink.  The bartender, suspecting the utensil of being way to young to be in the bar, let alone trying to buy alcohol, asks for ID.  Lowering his tines in embarrassment, the fork says, “I’m not old enough to have a license but if you let me stay, I think I could be very helpful to you or some of your customers.”  “And why would that be?” the bartender asks sarcastically.  “Well, I’d come in very handy when people need to eat their words.”

Glasses on the bar 1

 

 

 

 

Is that worth more than two glasses on the bar?  Read how to cast your vote.

This Sailor walks into a bar

I’ve featured a lot of inanimate objects in my jokes so far, but not today.  We’re talking a real live person, a sailor to be more precise.  You know, this just might be the first in a series of armed forces humor.

This Sailor walks into a bar with a notebook in his hand.  He sits at a table by an open window and suddenly starts tearing pages out of the book and throwing them through the opening where they’re carried away by a stiff breeze.  Seeing him motion for a server to take his order, the bartender steps from behind the bar and walks up to the table.

“Bring me a pitcher of dark beer” the sailor says.  The bartender, himself a former Navy man, says reluctantly, “Sorry mate, I can’t serve you.  You’re already three sheets to the wind.”

Glasses on the bar 3a

Step up to the bar and cast your vote.  How many glasses on the bar does this deserve?