Monthly Archives: February 2019

This Rake Walks Into a Bar

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Today marks another WIN for me in the W.I.A.B. Challenge.  Seven submissions so far and three jokes completed puts me at a 42% success ratio and I’m not done yet.  But now, all I can say to Chrissy, my latest challenger, is…

This Rake Walks Into a Bar and buys a round for everyone in the house.  The owner walks up and starts thanking him profusely for his generosity and then tells his patrons who they can thank for their liquid surprise.  Amazed by this act of sharing with strangers and appreciating the joy he’s evenly distributed around the pub, the customers start applauding and cheering, but the little scraper stands and says, “Please, it’s no big deal.  I’ve made it my life’s work to spread things around.”

Time to Vote

When you’re done laughing, hope you’ll take a  moment and place some glasses on the bar as your way of voting.  Need to learn more about how to vote?

And if you want to find out when new jokes are completed and I’m victorious again, use the sign up form (near the top of the page) to get updates.

The Eyes Have It

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Today marks the inaugural joke in my Kid’s Konfusion Laughter Category, and as I hope you’ll see, life as a child is not exactly what our eyes might tell us at first glance.

A boy starting kindergarten, a few weeks after school has begun, is told by the principal as she leads him to his classroom, “Your teacher will introduce you to each of the pupils in class, so you’ll know everyone and feel right at home.”  At the end of the day, he tells his folks how fun it was to meet the other kids.

The next week, he has to miss school because of some vision problems.  His mom takes him to the eye clinic, where the ophthalmic technician starts by saying, “I’m going to need to look at your pupils.”  The young patient looks ups and says, “You can’t…they’re all at school today.”

This Lipstick Tube Walked Into a Bar

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Usually, makeup is found in the bathroom. Occasionally, it might accompany you in the car, especially on longer excursions.  But you’ll not find it out shopping by itself, attending a concert, or standing in line waiting to vote in an election.  But having a drink now and then is another story so I wasn’t surprised when…

This Lipstick Tube Walked into a Bar and ordered a round of drinks for the house.  As the guests were being served and learned of their benefactor, they stood and applauded the cosmetic specialist.  The bartender let her know the tab, and a look of embarrassment and horror suddenly crossed her face as she realized her wallet was at home.  She immediately called everyone’s attention to her situation and began explaining, in meticulous details, not only the current humiliating story but others that had plagued her through-out the years. The bartender finally said, “Stop!  Why are you going on and on?”  The tube looked up and replied, “Because I’m not the type that just glosses over things.”

 

 

 

When the laughing ends, voting starts!  Don’t know how…check out our simple instructions and then vote your heart.

 

Clean Up Your Act Doctor

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I think I’m going to report my doctor to the medical authorities, for willful failure to maintain our hospital’s, clearly posted, and required health standards.

Recently, after the good M.D. had completed our appointment and was preparing to leave, I stood and moved toward the sink in the room.  I placed myself on one side of it and asked him if he didn’t think he should bring the next person being treated to stand on the other side facing me, so that he could comply with the clear instructions on the sign.  When he looked at me questioningly, I pointed to the directive over the washbasin (here’s the exact sign with the section in question clearly marked) and said, “Don’t you want to follow the requirements and wash between patients?”

Showing his total disdain for my concern, he laughed and then, while continuing to chuckle, walked out the door.  I felt like he thought the whole thing was a joke.

You just read my first Sign-a-tology joke but there’s so much more to laugh over (I hope) on my site and for a sampling you can check out these other Laughter Categories…

And of course, if you’re not brave enough to jump into a joke unprepared, you could always hop on over to the page where I sort of define what types of jokes each of these categories will include.

This Knife and Spoon Walk Into a Bar

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Everyone knows that bars keep a supply of eating utensils for their guests, but did you know there was a set of cutlery that stopped regularly at their favorite alehouse for a drink?  One night, though, something happened when…

This Knife and Spoon Walk Into a Bar and the bartender, used to seeing the full set of silverware together, says, “Where’s your four pronged friend?” “Oh,” the sharper of the two replies, “we passed a sign and he got out of the car to help the fork in the road.”

 

 

 

 

Hope you’ve had your laugh for the day and are ready to vote for this joke.  Check out the process to get started and then maybe check out one of these other Laughter Categories…